I think that I've learned quite a bit, not just about family relations, but also about relations with other people.
Bro. Winfree gave a ton of really great insights into the functioning of families and reasons why certain things happen. I think an overarching theme was humility. Humility is a huge aspect of any healthy relationship; especially in families. Being outside of the box will create an atmosphere where a family can work together instead of against each other.
It was ironic how little different students listened to the things we learned and applied them in our class itself. The amount of disrespect that was obvious between students was appalling and I've never seen anything like it in any other class I've had here on campus. Clearly little was learned about having humility and respect for others and using it in all aspects of one's life; like in the classroom. Granted, the class was largely class discussion and it was frustrating that many of the stories students volunteered about their own lives didn't always enrich the learning of topics, but there is no reason to be rude and disrespectful towards them. I chose not to share every personal application in my life with the class because I'm not that kind of person, and I would rather learn and apply privately, than play "show and tell" for an hour. But some of the stories students shared were relevant and emphasized the information we were discussing that day.
Opinions are opinions. Personal and not up for discussion or debate. I wish we would have covered that in the beginning of class. There were many opinions shared over the course of the semester which was great. However, the level of contention that was felt in the room when a large majority of the class disagreed with someone was completely ridiculous and unnecessary. So what if someone agrees with spanking? And so what if someone doesn't agree? There is no need to fight over it. I hate classes where people are allowed to debate to the point that they are beating a dead horse. The purpose of this class was not to change opinions or to tell others what they are doing wrong. That is not the job of students. They are to learn together and respect the lifestyle and opinions of others. Verbal filters would have been useful I feel like.
Over all, I'm glad I took the class. I learned a lot about a variety of applicable topics in my life from the text and from others. I would recommend it to another person, and I would recommend the teacher as well.
Here are the top 10 things I learned in this class, just in case you are interested:
5 Research Cautions: Although the beginning of the semester’s topics was rather dry as we studied research specifics, I did learn some things that I want to remember. The five research cautions were 1) Sampling: the larger the sample size the more accurate the results; 2) Control Groups: asking the question of whether or not the research study included an experimental group, and a non-experimental group; 3) Maturation: Often the research studies we read about are on average two years old because that is when the data was collected; 4) Terminology: often times wording in a study will mean one thing, when the readers may interpret it in a different way; 5) Researcher Bias: I need to remember to question who sponsored the study and their agendas for conducting the experiment. By remembering these five cautions, I will be able to be more critical of the research that I read and not be deceived by poorly conducted research.
Family Systems Theory: I really enjoyed learning about the various aspects of the family systems theory; especially what I learned regarding the different types of boundaries. I value this information because of how vividly I recognized these boundaries in my nuclear family, and have seen the effects of them. I enjoyed learning about and learning how to recognize them in an effort to fix the unhealthy ones. Rigid and overly-permeable boundaries are inappropriate in that those who have rigid boundaries aren’t accessible and are dearly impossible to get close to. There is very little love and closeness between those with rigid boundaries. Overly-permeable boundaries are not healthy either because they cause problems between two people who are constantly overstepping the boundaries. Permeable boundaries are the kinds of boundaries that I want in my family. They are the healthy type where there is mutual respect between everyone. The idea of subsystems is also something I want to remember because of how valuable they are in a family system. This way, I can respect the subsystems that will be present in my future family instead of trying to break them up. Loyalty is something to be desired in a family.
Masculinity vs. Femininity: I want to remember the conversation we have regarding masculinity and femininity. Even though there were mostly negative characteristics that we mentioned out of jest, there are real differences between men and women. These differences are innate and divinely appointed by God. The point that I really want to remember is that the characteristics that we consider that when a man has them is “gay”, are the exact characteristics which Christ had; caring, charity, love for others, compassionate, pure, diligent, listener, patient, etc.
4 Stages of Human Sexuality: I want to remember the four stages of human sexuality for when I explain sex to my children. I believe that these steps are important for them to understand. The biological aspect of sex is just as important as the psychological and emotional side of sex. I especially want to remember the specifics of the Excitement stage will allow me to explain to them what happens when excitement is triggered, and especially to tell our daughters how easily a young man can become excited. I also want our sons to understand how easily things can get out of hand.
ABCX Family Crisis Model: I really found the ABCX Family Crisis Model fascinating. This model explains how significantly stress can affect a family. Depending on their interpretation of the stressor and the say they cope and manage that stress together can decide whether or not the crisis truly turns into a crisis. I want to remember this for my future family. Inevitably we will experience stress as a family and we will need to cope with these things healthily. This will make it so we don’t turn a simple stressor into a crisis, and when a crisis really does occur, we can deal with it accordingly. I also want to remember that the key to a family coping healthily with a stressor is flexibility. The more flexible a family is, the better off they will be in stressful situations.
Family Developmental Stages: I enjoyed learning about the developmental stages of the family. These stages are worth remembering because we all are in at least one of these stages. Understanding these stages will help us cope with the natural aging process of our lives. The Stages are 1) Leaving Home (check); 2) Coupling (check, check); 3) Parenting with young children; 4) Parenting Adolescents; 5) Launching Children; 6) Retirement and Old Age. Also understanding various events that can disrupt the family life stages can help in the coping of the stressors which will occur.
Proper Use of Communication: Remembering how the use of language and nonverbal signs can convey messages whether intended or unintended. Also, how emotion can influence communication. Unintended messages can cause miscommunication between two people negatively. The example that Bro. Winfree used of communication between person A and B when A does something and B reacts emotionally. Who has the problem? It was concluded that person B had the problem because they chose to give an emotional reaction. Person A may not realize the way they initially communicated with person B, but person B still chose to respond emotionally.
Effects on Children with a Working Mother: There are proven negative effects on children whose mother does not stay home with them, but work full time out of the home along with the father. The connection with the child and his mother is strained and the long term effects seem to be negative. The effects on a child who grew up in a home with a mother there all the time, and a father who works but is involved in the child’s life are far more positive. Having a mother in the home is far more beneficial psychologically and emotionally for a child. I want to remember this because I want to make sure to carefully consider it in case I consider working later on while my children are at home.
Parenting Styles: Understanding the three kinds of parenting styles is something I not only want to remember, but also something I’ve talked to my husband about extensively. Identifying examples of the various kinds of parenting styles helps us to realize the kinds of parents we want to be. Knowing that there are different kinds of parenting helps us to recognize things that we need to work on when we do become parents. Being an Authoritative parent is our goal, while being authoritarian and permissive parents is what we want to shy away from.
20 Minute Solution: I really appreciated the advice called the “20 Minute Solution”. This is when a parent takes 20 minutes at least 4 times per week in one on one, child directed play with each child. The benefits from getting down on the level of your child and giving them 100% of your attention for 20 minutes will greatly build the relationship you have with your child. During these 20 minutes, you are not allowed to direct the play, or seek after “teaching moments”, no questions, and you can only narrate what the child is doing. By building relationships, you will increase the influence you have with your child.
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