Ever Heard of a Genogram?

www.genopro.com

You should check it out if you haven't. A genogram is a type of genealogy chart that doesn't just track birthdays, death dates, etc. It tracks relationship patterns between family members. Grandparents to children, cousins to aunts and uncles, mothers to daughters and sons, and so on. The different relationships aren't always happy either. The genogram is a bit of a touchy way of tracking family history patterns because it doesn't just track the happy relationships, they track abuse patterns, hostility, violence, distance, broken relationships, estrangement, and many more. Typically, when a relationship is negative, families don't typically talk about them. Especially those who are on either end of the negative relationship. Something I was thinking about as I was creating my 4 generational genograms was that each person's genogram would be different. For example: my mom's version of our family's genogram would be different than mine or my grandmothers. Therefore, a genogram is pretty subjective.

As an assignment this week we had to create our own family's genogram, and I must say, that it wasn't easy.

When you create your own genogram, you will notice that the more positive relationships are various shades and designs of green, the negative ones are in red, and the abusive ones are blue. This makes it much easier to see a general overview of whether or not your family is more positive or negative. (The genogram is very messy with lines going everywhere. You can hardly tell what it is you are looking at.).

My family's genogram was rather depressing. It was roughly 70% negative, and 30% positive. Apparently my family has a hard time getting along with one another.

The purpose of the genogram is for the person compiling them to see relationship patterns from their family history to learn from. For example: if you saw that mothers and daughters had a hard time getting a long, you may take certain precautions to correct that with your own daughter. Being able to change negative relationship habits in family history can be difficulty, but if you recognize it soon enough, you can change things for the better and put an end to the conflict.

I highly recommend doing a genogram. Maybe if more people did them, the more negative patterns can be put to a stop.

Dating: The Lost Art

I feel like dating is a dying activity. No one dates anymore. It is all about "hanging out". What happened to chivalry? I love old movies when the guy goes to pick the girl up and he has a handful of flowers and a hat with a nice suit on. Knocking on the door and being invited in by her father who interviews him and makes him feel all awkward. Then the girl comes down the stairs in a super cute MODEST dress and takes the flowers and says thank you and then gives them to her mother who puts them in some water and then they leave and go to a "picture show" and are home by 9:00pm. Granted, dating has changed over the years, but the concept of "courtship" has been completely lost in our culture. "Hanging out" has spread like a virus and has taken the place of real meaningful bonds that can be only made by dating. Something I really appreciated about my husband, is that he dated me. We hung out occasionally, but the first time we ever did anything together, it was a date. He picked me up (no flowers unfortunately...but he buys them for me now) and took me out to a hay maze and then to dinner. It was perfect. He continued to date me after that for 6 months. He was a true gentleman. But with the modern day views of dating and gender differences, it has made it almost impossible for anyone to get to know each other like they should. An interesting correlation is the decrease in honest to goodness dating making way for "hanging out", and the increase of divorce rates. I believe that it is partially because of the lack of bonding time that took place prior to the wedding day. Today's world involves a lot of avoidance of the sharing of ideas, feelings, emotions, and so forth. The technology has made it very difficult to cultivate relationships face to face. We are texting, emailing, instant messaging, IMing, skyping, etc. This doesn't allow for any personal connections with others. Then on top of that guys and girls are constantly "hanging out" and aren't dating. There are no boundaries or rules when you are hanging out. There is no structure. There is no closeness that provides a healthy and safe environment for getting to know someone. It is an art that needs to make a come-back. Who knows, a lot of "retro" things are coming back. Maybe dating is one of them.

Soap Box.

This week was a very thought provoking week in Family Relations. We covered some pretty touchy topics such as gender differences as well as same sex attraction.

I have to say that I was surprised as to many of the opinions that were in regards to gender and how the roles of gender are defined. Maybe I refer too much to the gospel in matters such as gender, but I think that when we talk about the very roots of what determines who we are (male or female) we should refer back to the person who created us; Our Heavenly Father.

I didn't really get to state my opinions on the matter, so I thought I would do so here in my blog entry for the week. I have really strong feelings about this topic and have some very solid opinions that have only been solidified over the past year.

In the topic of gender, I have a firm testimony that we are born into our gender, and society reinforces that as well as manipulates it. We are male and female by design and have similar inborn qualities and characteristics, as well as completely different characteristics which are specific to our gender. We are born as boys and girls, and with that comes a gender which is also born into us. We all have different variations of masculine and feminine characteristics, but for the most part we are who we are. Society has reinforced those characteristics which are girls being more girly and boys being more masculine. Society did not determine what a girl was and what a boy was. It was God's design. How did Eve know how to be Eve, and Adam know how to be Adam? I do not like feminism. Yes, I am a girl who is against it. I believe that women today are fighting so much to be equal with men, that we are overlooking what our purpose is here on earth. Yes, women should have the right to work and have a career and vote. Those were very important advances which our gender has made. I believe in equality, but I also believe in gender roles which are divinely appointed. I often refer to the Proclamation to the Family for guidance as to how men and women are to be functioning in society and in the family. Yes, I follow closely to what Heavenly Father wants me to do and to become, and how I can best do that. I don't worry about how women are paid less (because there is not one accurate statistic on it), or the fact that women "have to have" the children and raise them, or that women are portrayed as the homemakers. If anything I think it is wonderful!

I think equal opportunity has been blown out of proportion. Everyone should have an equal opportunity to employment based on their skill, not their gender. I think it is wrong to hire someone with less experience, knowledge, or talent just because they are a certain gender, when they could have hired someone who has the skill set they need. It is ridiculous how out of hand it has become.

As far as same sex attraction, I have extremely strong opinions about it as well.

My opinion is: God created man and woman to be together and to multiply and replenish the earth and to work together in this life, being sealed in the temple, to gain eternal life. God did not create a single man or woman and intend for them to be homosexual. He did not create a third sex or gender. Homosexuality is a sin, just as any other sin is concerned. The attraction they feel is a temptation to deviate from the plan of happiness. God is not a hypocrite. He does not do one thing and say another; he does not create someone a certain way and then condemn them to hell. I feel sad for those who struggle with that transgression. I do not condemn them for their struggles. I do not condemn them for their transgressions. It isn't my job. I love the sinner, not the sin. I do not condone the life of a homosexual. But I do condone the person as a child of God. I I also do not condone those who constantly harass, judge, tease, hurt, or make fun of those who are struggling with homosexual tendencies or who consider themselves to be homosexual. I believe that treating someone with disrespect is just as great of a sin as those who are actively affiliated and participating in that lifestyle. We are all children of God and it isn't our job to compare ourselves to each other or to judge or condemn others. Our job is to work together and to fight for eternal life for all of us. Homosexuality is not acceptable in the eyes of God. Neither is molestation, drug abuse, child abuse, or any other kind of abuse of the human body, mind, and spirit.

I am extremely disappointed in church members who I see all around me (no I'm not talking specifically about the class...this is in response to other demonstrations I've seen) who are either outright condemning people and turning their backs on those who struggle with homosexual tendencies. But I am even more disappointed in those church members who are justifying the right the person has to happiness, even if it is with someone of the same sex. That goes against everything the gospel stands for. Love the sinner, not the sin. Don't justify the fact that someone lives a lifestyle and lower the standards of living that the gospel has set. The family is already under attack, don't help matters along. God has clearly stated what a family is, what the specific gender roles are, and how we are to gain eternal life. Anything contrary to those things is not of God. I am so amazed as to how hard Satan is working, and how successful he has been. I can only hope and pray that I can teach my children correct principles and that they govern righteously for themselves.

I would like to again remind anyone who reads this that I am not attacking anyone, or calling anyone out. I am not saying that those who are homosexual are bad, evil people. I believe quite the opposite. I do believe that homosexuality is a sin. That is MY OPINION. I have a right to it just as much as you do.